gratitude

I sit and listen to a lecture about permaculture with a group of people when I feel like hit by lightning. The permaculture expert says: “Our whole relationship with plants and trees changed when we started to work from gratitude.” GRATITUDE I feel like I forgot about this word. But that’s is not why it’s striking me. I…

sick

I am sick. The classic kind of ‘lying in bed all day feeling lonely with a bucket next to you thinking how to make it to the shower today’. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the thing I hate most about being ill is that I start to blame myself for it. What did I…

autumn

Making a crumble out of the very last harvest, picked from our Amsterdam garden.

Quiet

It has been a little quiet here lately. Moving back and forth between Amsterdam and the mountains means moving through huge energy shifts. The silence and power of the mountain and the quick pace and turmoil of the city, I love them both, it makes life rich, but also hectic again I feel. On top…

boring!

How can you be so busy and so bored at the same time?! Life back in busy Amsterdam is very full and very dynamic. Get up at 6.45 wash yoga dressed make lunchbox dress another feed the dog feed myself feed the kids or forget to feed the kids rush of on the bike check…

to not be someone

I remember when I was in high school and it became clear that ‘I had to be someone’. And I did not think long, I am very ambitious, so I made ‘someone’. But that someone never really worked. And since some time I let go of the someone. I don’t need someone I have to live up…

maya

“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see…

goodbye to all that

Is the famous essay Joan Didion wrote when she traded NY for LA. I thought I would never leave the mountain, but after not even two years life is pulling me away. We are nomads, there will always be the feeling there is something else to explore. We will be spending a part of the year in France, but…

newspaper

“Ding-dong”. Sunday evening. “There’s a man at the door!” the children come running into the garden. I open the door and there is indeed a man, friendly eyes, about my age within his hands three newspapers and a picture of his family. “Good evening. I am a paper boy and have no other job and…

today’s muse

Every once in a while there’s a woman popping up that triggers a story. I have these girl crushes on women who are great inspiration for characters. She can be a writer, an artist, my neighbour, the woman who reads the news. Today I fell for style. It is not just the clothes, it is what she tells with it. Looks…

rain

It’s a rainy, cold day and it’s very easy to feel frustrated. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough time alone, just not enough of something, anything. Frustration goes looking for food. The lack of something, angry thoughts, painful memories and the frustration just increases. And I get more angry with myself that I am letting…

Glossy’s

I wrote an essay on ‘Women on Top’ for Harper’s Bazaar September Issue with a little preview here. And a small piece on my clothes for September’s Vogue. Both out now.