I have never felt so vulnerable and open as I do these last few weeks. I am restless, I feel it is all too much, but in the midst of it I have never felt more like myself. Or more alone with myself. So responsible and careful about myself. This may sound like a very selfish way of being, but I have also never been able to be so meaningful to the people around me.
I am afraid most of the time, but now there’s nothing to hide, we all know I am scared, that we’re all scared. Life is scary, it is big and wild and tremendous. And since I feel I have nothing to lose, it all can move right through me. Every confrontation – whether it is with the outside world or with myself – will just help me grow, let me become more human.
I realize how much it took to get here. How many small steps, insights and letting go it took to find this fearless place in myself where it is even okay to be scared and sad and uncertain. Where it is all okay. Where I can finally let go of winning and losing, of being something, of holding on to an image.
This is my center. And it is mine and mine alone. And worthwhile because of it. The sacred recognition that my life belongs to me. All of it, the good, the bad and the ugly, it all is so very much me.