Just when I got the hang of it and thought : hey, I’m starting to be really good at this simple-thing, my good old friend ‘life’ left the back door open to invite ‘chaos’ in. Those two really like each other. In fact, I think they are secret lovers.
Now for once it is not me who is choosing to make life complex by having thoughts, fears and desires that are not serving me in any way, but things happen in my life that are difficult to cope with. Not just one thing, but a lot of things at the same time. And now I find myself too tired, too emotional, with too much work and too many thoughts and feelings. I just want to hit the ‘pause’ button, but I can’t.
I have so much respect for all those people who’s life is complex on a daily basis, who just start from chaos. I try to love life, but a lot of us have to learn to love chaos first.
It is so easy to write about all this stuff if you’re healthy, if you’re basically happy and safe, if your only concern is to want to free yourself from, well, yourself. But I tell myself I have to ‘practice’ when my sea is calm, so maybe I’ll have some tools to stay steady when the sea gets rough.
Waves are medium high and I already lose grip and fall back into old patterns of not eating, not sleeping, blaming , lacking yoga and looking for distractions. This is the most simple test : what are you made of? What are you really made of Sarah? A lot of pretty words or powerful, meaningful actions?