In my heart I feel I am what you would call a feminist: someone who feels women need to have a stronger voice and women’s energy is lacking in our world. But as I wrote before I don’t associate with feminism as we know it. I have never been angry with men. I have never really felt inspired by career women who tell us to work harder and behave more like men. Maybe we need a new word for feminism. Like Hadley Freeman suggested a new word for boss. And when I come to think of it, that what I miss most in contemporary feminism is love. I love my husband. He is my favorite person in this world, that’s why I married him. And of course we battle over household chores, work, money, power, sex. We compete. But in the end, we love and that is the fundament of our life together.

And the fact that I am following him now and making a sacrifice to him doesn’t fit into the feminist picture one bit. But it does fit in mine: I love him, i want to support him, i want to be there for him. Those are MY choices alone. I have made so many choices before that fit into the career picture: I’ve been ashamed of having children, I have been angry with my husband, I have felt frustrated over taking care of others, I have tried to free myself from the practical ties of having a family. But in the end, I want to chose for love. And that does not mean I can’t be my own person. I believe it will make me more my own person than struggling to just have it all my way.

I am tired of living by rules. You can’t do this, you should do that. This means that. It is all illusion. You never know how you are going to react or how things will turn out. It is life itself that has the most fantasy of all of us. 

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