Be careful what you wish for

It hasn’t been too long since I made quite a few new wishes, also on this blog. I wanted a more free, more authentic life. I wanted something new. I wanted to know life.

Our move to France gave me the peace of mind to formulate what I want. It gave me words for what I was feeling in the rush of the city. And I found out that what I mostly wanted is to start and live life on my own terms, not on everyone else’s. But I also found out that it is hard if you hurt other people with your genuine choices. Still I am feeling that there is only one person that can be a compass in my life, and that is me. I am tired of making stories around what happens, I am tired of explaining and pleasing. I am tired of lying awake at night figuring out what is the best thing to do. I don’t know. And in the meantime life is just happening.

The last few weeks LIFE has happened. Ever since my eventful plane ride, nothing is what it seems. I am getting something new alright! I am learning how to be flexible, how to make choices and how to let go.

Due to T’s work we’ll be going back to Amsterdam for some time. We’ve been figuring out for restless weeks now how to deal with this situation, that suddenly demands he is there 24/7 until november. Are we willing to be apart? Are we willing to give up our life here? What about school? The kids? Money? When will we be back in France? How will this work?

After thinking I would stay in France with the children, we’ve finally decided that we will join him in Amsterdam. We are no family to be away from each other for several months. We just need each other. We love each other too much. And there are a million things to say and to choose, but we decided to choose again for our family. 

 

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