Whoohoo, it’s been a while, even a long time. But I’m back!
These last months have been a happy but rocky road. Life has changed radically and writing dropped from top to bottom of the list for a while. Not because I fell out of love with writing, it’s still one of my favorite thing to do, but because daily life became so demanding there simply was no space for analyzing or contemplating. It was : Go! Handle the moment! Just do it!
So what happened?
First of all we’ve moved to a 17th century farmhouse in the very south of Holland. After a couple years in France we divided our time between Amsterdam and France, mainly because the children were unhappy in the French school system and T. was too often away from us. So we decided to put the children back into their old school in Amsterdam and spend as much time in France as possible. But it got harder and harder to take the kids out of school (comprehensible when they get older) and we did not want to base ourselves in the city once again just yet. So now that the house market in Amsterdam is exploding we could see the house and look for a home that felt like France but have the same school system (Waldorf) for the children.
So this is it. Massive work has to be done, but we’re building our own little world here. Family house, guest house, herb garden, healing space. Horizons, stars, fires, our own harvest and animals. In the middle of nowhere but this time close to everything.
Second of all : we’re expecting a son in March! This little wonderful surprise came to us in early July, leaving me sick on me knees till last week. Nausea, so tired I could not move all day. Quite a challenge with two other kids, a bunch of animals running around and a household to be moved. But we managed! Five months pregnant now. I am growing bigger everyday and experience the kind of radical transformation that only nature can create! What an honor to bring another soul into the world.
And last but not least : my debut will be out beginning of February 2018. A memoir about my twenties in which I aimed to be the best director and failed at it hopelessly. In total panic I tried to save my life, and then myself. A story about who we are and what connects us. And how we try to survive in these hectic, anonymous times.
So three new beginnings intertwined. It’s still hard to put my finger on what is really happening and what it all means, but I get the feeling that is just not the purpose here. Maybe it’s just time to enjoy all these wonderful babies and laugh and play and celebrate and share as much of it as possible. Maybe it is finally not about understanding, not about me, not about what I am getting or am not getting, but about what I can give.
Maybe it’s just this time in life when you just accept your ‘real’ work and smile and get down on your knees and be f*king grateful it.