Last year I started research for a documentary about time. Or better about the lack of time. One thing I noticed when we moved to France is how I always felt I had ‘not enough time’. When I read about it, I found figures that state over 60% of working people feel they ‘do not have enough time to do what they find important in life.’ Just that phrase shocked me. What are we to do on this planet? What do we want to do with our life? Daily life is so full and fast we forget what it is about. And that in itself is a cliché, I know. But if we know, why is it so hard to understand?
Because modern life is congested. I am spending a couple of weeks in this fantastic city, everyday I meet new amazingly talented people, I see new art, have exciting work meetings, so much is happening and I am elated by all this inspiration. But while all of this is happening I surprise myself with a feeling of profound boredom. In France nothing was happening. There were the woods, the sky, the sun, school, writing, cooking. One day they painted a new zebra crossing and the whole village was talking about it. And I never felt bored, I felt how much excitement was going on inside me. How much life is in your heart and how many sensations of awareness there are. When the world is relatively quiet you understand your intuition, you know what to do.
And now with all this tumult at the surface, my inner life is bored. Nothing seems to really go in, because already something else is happening outside of me that needs attention. It is a lot harder to know what your priorities are when most of your energy goes to reacting on your outer world. It is harder to create. And it is harder to think for yourself, simply because there is less time and space to do that thinking.
I don’t know how to slow down in a place that is so fast. Do my practice everyday. Take empty hours to write in the garden. It helps, but it is not an answer yet. I am taking the next couple of weeks here to think about it, if I find the time.